How to Listen So People Can Think

Appreciation

Noticing what is good and saying it

The human mind works best in the presence of appreciation.

In life we learn that to be appreciative is to be naïve, whereas to be critical is to be realistic.
In discussions, therefore, we focus first, and sometimes only, on things that are not working. Consequently, because the brain requires appreciation to work well, our thinking is often specious.

The Thinking Environment recognises the right ratio of appreciation to challenge so that individuals and groups can think at their best.


— TimeToThink.com
Interrelated components

Appreciation

Each component of a Thinking Environment can impact the presence of any of the others.
For example, the presence of Appreciation will foster Ease and make it easier for people to give Attention to others.
Appreciation is probably the simplest way to start improving the atmosphere. You don't need anybody else's agreement, nobody even has to know that you are taking an important step: when you start noticing  what is good and saying it, you are influencing the culture. 

Giving appreciation tends to be highly infectious.

Giving undivided Attention is a form of Appreciation. 
FOCUS ON Qualities

Why not a behaviour?

When you give someone appreciation, try focusing on a quality* rather than on something the recipient has done. Appreciation of a quality seems to go deeper, and the recipient can carry the appreciation with them to other situations.

Thanking doesn’t go as deep and doesn’t boost the recipient in other
situations. Perhaps this is because a ‘thank you’ requires you
to do something first, in order to merit the thanks, whereas
appreciation is given because you are you?


* 'I appreciate that you are ... [for example: so brave, wise, committed, clever, funny, enthusiastic, strategic, loving, caring, insightful, creative, resourceful, kind, artistic, attentive, inspiring, analytical, adventurous, full of curiosity, brilliant, exuberant].

5:1 Ratio of Appreciation to Criticism 

Criticism makes a far stronger
impression than appreciation does.
For someone to feel appreciated, five times more appreciation than criticism is a minimum.

Spot the missing component

To create a full Thinking Environment, all components need to be present. When the Thinking Environment is not what it should be, here are some things to look out for when it comes to Appreciation.


  • Is the ratio of Appreciation to criticism at least 5:1?

  • When something goes wrong, do we look for someone to blame or do we regard it as a learning opportunity?

  • Are we giving each other high-quality Attention?

  • Are we assuming that giving Appreciation is naïve/soft? If so, do we think that is true? Could we assume something more positive?

If there is too little Appreciation, how can you increase it? When can you tell the important people in your life and working life what you appreciate about them? Are there opportunities when you meet, round the dinner table or at the beginning and end of meetings? 
More

Resources

More on Appreciation, including a list of 88 sample qualities to appreciate, in 'How to Listen so People Can Think', pp. 39-50.