Polarisation or conflict

In Practice - Two People

• On an issue where two people have completely different opinions on a topic that matters to them, suggest that they agree to:
  » stay interested in what the other will say next, and
  » think for themselves about the question, not repeat old truths or ready-made answers.

• Ask them to take three minutes each, back and forth, for a total of up to 30 minutes, on the question: 'On the subject of [topic], what do you think, or feel, or want to say?'

• At the end, ask them to appreciate a quality in each other.
  
  

In Practice – Groups

If a group is involved, Rounds (see Meetings and Groups) have proved effective.

• Ask that all agree to give attention, promise not to interrupt and to:
  » stay interested in what the other will say next
  » think for themselves about the question, not repeat old truths or ready-made answers.

• Do an opening Round on a positively charged question 

• Do a Round: 'on the subject of [issue] what matters most to you?' (Perhaps set a time limit of one, two or three minutes per person.)

• Round: on the subject of [issue] what more do you think, or feel, or want to say?

• Round: what has been valuable to you about what we have just done?

• If possible, a Round of Appreciation of qualities in each other.

conflict – alternative approach

In Practice – Two People

Another tested and effective method, alternative to the above.

When the heat of the moment is over.

• Agree to focus on what the issue means to the person who is thinking, with no blaming, attacks, or interpretation of the other's intentions.

• One person starts and says everything they think and feel.

• The other gives their full attention, stays interested and promises not to interrupt, safe in the knowledge that it will be their turn afterwards.

• Change roles.

• Repeat as needed, until understanding is reached.

• Possibly: say what was valuable about the session.

• Appreciate a quality in each other.