How to Listen So People Can Think

Feelings

Welcoming the release of emotion

Unexpressed feelings can inhibit good thinking.

Thinking stops when we are upset. But if we express feelings just enough, thinking re-starts. Unfortunately, we have this backwards in our society. We think that when feelings start, thinking stops. When we assume this, we interfere with exactly the process that helps a person to think
clearly again.

If instead, when people show signs of feelings, we relax and welcome them, good thinking will resume.


— TimeToThink.com
Interrelated components 

Feelings

Each component of a Thinking Environment can impact the presence of any of the others.
For example, being surrounded by genuine Appreciation can make thinkers safer to acknowledge and express feelings. Information – in this case awareness that suppressed or unacknowledged feelings can impair and inhibit thinking – can also support acknowledgement of feelings.
‘Trying not to feel something doesn’t work. Describe an emotion in just a word or two, and it helps reduce the emotion. Open up a dialogue about an emotion, though, and you tend to increase it.’

Your Brain at Work

David Rock, Ph D
Opening up

More resources

Laughter relaxes the atmosphere.
If appropriate in the context, try to start meetings with a question or something else that brings laughter (see 'How to Listen so People Can Think', pp. 72-80).

Spot the missing component

To create a full Thinking Environment, all components need to be present. When the Thinking Environment is not what it should be, here are things to look out for when it comes to Feelings.

  • Are you harbouring unexpressed or unacknowledged feelings?

  • Do you think others might be harbouring unexpressed or unacknowledged feelings?

If feelings are unacknowledged or suppressed, what might enable them to be acknowledged? Are participants aware that feelings need to be acknowledged in order for thinking to be possible? In a group, sometimes a Round on 'What (more) do we think, or feel, or want to say [on this issue/question]?' is helpful. Since it includes not only feelings, it leaves participants free to focus on what is live and real for them. Do participants feel safe to express feelings? If not, do you need to review your agreements?