how you can help people think

In Practice

• Ask someone if they want you to listen to them while they are thinking. When someone asks you for advice, ask what they think.

• Switch off anything that might disturb and interrupt, such as computers and cellphones. If possible, shut the door. People think on a completely different level when they know that they will not be interrupted.

• If suitable, tell them that you will not say anything at all until they say that they are finished and that, if they say they are finished or that they need something from you, you will probably be asking: ‘What more do you think, or feel, or want to say?’ Make sure that you can ‘hear the commas’ –that there is a little pause after ‘think,' 'feel,’.

• Tell them it is fine to be silent for some or even all of the time. It is their time to think.

• Ask: ‘What would you like to think about and what are your thoughts?’ That simple question focuses the thinker’s attention. It can make a big difference.

• Listen as though you are about to discover the innermost secrets of the universe. Be fascinated by their thinking and by the wonderful, brilliant person in front of you. Or think of a quality in them that you appreciate. If appropriate, keep your eyes on theirs – in western culture that is a way of showing that we are interested. The person thinking is likely to move their eyes around a lot, but when they return from their thinking excursion, there you will be, with your eyes on theirs, giving them your full attention. This will give them fresh energy to continue thinking.

• If they get stuck and need something from you, ask: 'What more do you think, or feel, or want to say?' If they get stuck again, ask that same question again. Their thinking has moved on, so the question seems new. Repeat as needed.

• When they are quite done, ask if they want to write anything down. If they do, keep giving them your attention while they write.

• Tell them a quality that you appreciate in them. (Something they are, not something they have said or done. 'I appreciate that you are so ....' ). More under Appreciation.

How did it go? Did the Thinker make headway with their issue?

Heads up: people think well when they want to think. The fact that you
think it would be good for them isn’t enough: they have to want
to think.

Thinking Pairs

In Practice

• Invite a friend or colleague to try Thinking Pairs.

• As your starting point, use the piece above: 'How you can help people think - In Practice.'

• Promise to give each other full attention, not to interrupt and not to comment (unless the thinker specifically asks for the listener’s thoughts).

• Promise each other not to tell anyone else what the thinker has been thinking, and also never to ask the other about the Thinking Session, or what happened afterwards as a result of it. The thinking is the property of the thinker. We think all the time. Knowing that they will never be held accountable in any way for what they say in a Thinking Session allows the thinker even greater freedom to think for themselves.

• Decide on the total time and share the time, so that you will get equal amounts of time to think.

• When one person is finished, the partner asks: ‘Would you like to write anything down?’

• Change roles, so that the person who has been thinking is the Thinking Partner.

• When you are both done, appreciate a quality in each other.